Who Am I?

This is such a mammoth question and represents a common search humans find themselves in throughout their life. The gift of asking this question and looking at the answers that come allows an initial understanding of self that can continue to expand with life experiences. There is a tendency to describe ourselves in the roles we play in life as child, student, friend, sibling, adult, parent, grandparent, one’s occupation and education and so on.  These roles speak of what we do in life but do not describe who we are. 

Who am I? This question is vital to ask ourselves and then respond to. Without the answer, it is common to underestimate the effect any one of us has on the people in our life, our environment and even the political events of the world. Without awareness, the effect we create can be opposite to our desires. The word responsibility can be broken down to “respond with ability”. There are potential areas each of us can impact and demonstrate responsibility once we accept and live as the powerful Being we are. 

If our minds are blank when pondering this question, we can start with who we would like to be. With identifying the answers, we have a start of a road map to live in a way that reflects “who I am”. 

Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha encourages her students to write their epitaph. The purpose is to identify what we believe has been our impact in our lifetime and more importantly what we would like our epitaph to reflect about how we lived our life.  The great benefit of this exercise is the opportunity still exists to live in a way that we desire our epitaph to reflect. 

As any one of us explores the question of “Who am I” and identifies how we desire our epitaph to read at the time of our death, we are faced with becoming a new self. Making different choices appear as a first step. As the expression “Old habits die hard” goes, there is a tendency to resist the new. This reaction can have an influence on our willingness and success in becoming “new”. The “new” is unfamiliar initially but with repetition becomes familiar and comfortable. To create the “new self” requires a combined effort of thoughts and feelings to build the new and let go of the old. It is well worth the effort when it leads to our desired epitaph taking form.  An excellent strategy to lead to success is: “breathe and live in the present, always knowing the next breath is the future”. So name how it is and will be. Focusing on living in the present can lead naturally to becoming the best person you can be.

When I had the privilege of meeting Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha for the first time, I finally found someone whose sharing about life, spirituality and role of “self” made sense at a very deep level inside me. Even more important to me was her example of living as the person she knew she came here to be – powerful and effective in how she lives every moment of her life. Her teachings definitely impacted me and have given me a lifelong list of qualities and abilities to reach for and attain.

 

“We all matter.” This is one of Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha’s repeated messages to us.  Each of us has an individual purpose for being here. This truth has perhaps been my biggest battle. The belief was so ingrained in me that I was less than everyone else. I measured myself not having the abilities of other people in my life whom I compared myself to.  It is only recently that I have begun to see the value in accepting myself for “who I am” and what I can give to the world. It has taken much of my life to reach this point. In the moments I totally embrace my individual gifts, there is such a deep contentment that comes over me. It has led me to an almost desperate yearning to assist others to value themselves. This has become the service I hold as an intention when I interact with others. 

Reflecting back, I had always been in search of finding someone I felt safe with.  My vision was of a person who was the same as me who would understand me because of our similarities. I remember an early boy friend who cautioned me about my habit of comparing myself less than others. He had that wisdom early in his life. We were about 15 years old.  Somehow it did not ring any bells for me as I was lost in comparing myself unfavorably and wishing I could be as "good" as someone I admired for their skills. What an insane tortuous experience!! I have lived long enough now to realize what a boring stagnant world it would be if we were all the same. I have come to celebrate that differences in people and circumstances actually adds value to my life and to the world. With exposure to differences, we also get the opportunity to examine our beliefs and habits and determine if there is a base of truth or just a habitual pattern. 

In those years, my concept of “who I am” revolved around the feedback I received from my family and friends along with the comfort versus discomfort I was experiencing being myself.  I was always craving even a minute sign of approval and sensed disapproval even when not evident to anyone else. 

I continually looked outside of myself to determine the answer to “who am I?” It was all totally pathetic thinking and an example of what I learned Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha refuses to be in witness to with her students. She emphasizes that what we put our attention to and then speak brings the thought into the third dimension and we draw more of the same to us. When we allow ourselves to pause before we express our thoughts, we experience a more positive outcome. Journaling on paper is a great strategy due to it being only in the second dimension. Then with awareness what we speak can be exactly what we wish to contribute and to emanate out to our world.

The possibility of making mistakes has always been a huge fear and deterrent for me to the point I would avoid new experiences. I would crave acknowledgement that I did something right. Even with Grandmother Pa’Ris’Ha’s repeated teachings about failing forward and the power of learning from our mistakes, the dislike of making mistakes has been a battle to let go of. I now recognize if I am serious about evolving to be the person I came here to be, I actually need to welcome situations with potential of making mistakes. With every lesson of learning how not to do something and being willing at moments to test the waters, I gradually have become willing to learn from my mistakes. This is a much happier and more productive way to live compared to the old pattern of beating myself up and wasting precious moments of life in a negative direction.

Loneliness is an unpopular human experience. Only recently have I become aware that being lonely is a result of our individual uniqueness. It is a fact that no one can totally understand another person or know what it is to walk in their shoes. Parts of life's journey must be walked alone. This is a fact of life. Loneliness is one of the experiences of life that an individual can get lost in. It is important to understand the commonality of the experience of loneliness. For those so fortunate to be part of a true community, loneliness is less severe due to the openness and support that exists amongst the members.  

Respect is another word that gets bantered around at times and not truly examined. When we demonstrate respect for others as well as ourselves, judgment and opinions of better or worse no longer fit. One dictionary definition of respect is: due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others. With a standard of respect being present in a group, there is an acceptance of individual differences and a willingness to learn from each other. 

Ability to communicate effectively is an attribute to develop when creating the epitaph you want written at the time of your death. Part of this skill is actual communicating clearly with yourself. 

What an interesting journey our individual lives demonstrate in our search for the answers to Who am I? It is common to experience many detours along the way until awareness of a better route is recognized. 

The journey can be compared to the game played at parties where one is in search for the prize. It is called a scavenger hunt. There have been some amazing clues along the route always leading one closer to the ultimate destination which is a full understanding of who you are. 

The detours that are common are based on the belief that the search being made is for something outside self. The yearning continues until an insight is gained to change one's search to inside self. 

From a very deep perspective the truth is - the God within is what we are searching for.  I yearn to have that knowing and to have a clear connection with my Source. I desire that connection to exist deep inside my Soul and in every cell of my body. The word connection as defined in the dictionary as: joined together in sequence; linked coherently in a relationship. 

My aunt used to say she never wanted to trade “clothes lines” with anyone else. Her own challenges were familiar to her and she knew she could handle them. She had an understanding of being unique. 

Our thoughts are a key to how we live each moment. With focused concentration it is possible to become aware of what we are thinking.  When we quiet our minds and live in the present moment, our awareness of our thoughts increases. Now our focus can be transformed to allow the result of living closer to our desired epitaph description. 

Some concluding comments to the search for WHO AM I? This question continues as a personal search for each of us. It is very beneficial to determine your answers to who you are or at the least to identify who you want to be. To live as an authentic person is a fabulous step in becoming your desired epitaph description. Authentic people back up their positive, empowering words with actions that benefit themselves and others. Be true to yourself and do what you say you’re going to do to demonstrate your authenticity.  Generate thought power from within, and transpose it outward to add value to the lives of others.

If you desire to live as an authentic Being, an important attribute is to be a great listener. This includes listening to the very important voice inside our heads. Listen to your intuition. Do what your heart is telling you to do. That’s what an authentic person does. Your epitaph then can include you lived as an authentic person.

Seeking the answer to Who am I?  Is an ongoing journey due to the fact that life includes constant change? How each of us individually manages change reflects the essence of who we are as individuals. 

We are on the right direction when we recognize the answers to the question of “Who am I” exists inside of our Being. By looking within, your potential is to unleash your personal power. The closer you get to your answers the more opportunity you have to live your life in purpose to what you came into form to accomplish and to BE.  There is no magic formula to uncover your answers but once you accept that the answers are inside you, only then are you on the right track to find your "gold" which is your true self.

JAM